It Does Wonders
by GiveMeJustAMinute
Summary: And then, there were the things that only Spencer knew; she had to make her parents proud, she had to be the ideal child, she had to win, because a Hastings never lost, and she had to be perfect in everything she did. But most importantly, she knew it was all a lie. 'Spanna' Romance. Mentions of Self-Harm. Please Review! WIP
1. Doing Wonders

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Pretty Little Liars characters, I'm just corrupting them horribly. Also, to be safe, I do not own Skittles.**

**A/N: This story contains mentions, and actions of self-harm, it may be triggering to some, and I reccomend that if you are triggered easily, to stop reading as soon as possible. (You can always send me a PM if any of you need help, with anything. :) ) Also this is an eventual Spanna romantic pairing, so if ya don't like girl pairings, back away now.**

* * *

There were a few things about Spencer Hastings that everybody new; she came from awell off family, she was a shoe-in for Valedictorian, and no one beat her at anything.

Then there were the things that only her closest friends knew; she was very driven, and very protective of the ones she loved, she had to be in control, and it drove her crazy when someone ('A') took that away from her, she was smart and clever, she was someone you could trust to have your back, and she was perfect in everything she did.

And then, there were the things that only Spencer knew; she _had_ to make her parents proud, she _had_ to be the ideal child, she _had_ to win, because a Hastings never lost, and she _had_ to be perfect in everything she did. But most importantly, she knew it was all a lie.

Spencer ground her teeth together; the scraping sound echoed through her head and sent a shiver down her spine. _Stop it Spencer,_ she chided herself, _perfect teeth too, remember?_

She closed her eyes and tried to focus. _Come on, it's not that hard. It's just Latin; Melissa took it a grade before you._

She looked back down at the words below her, but try as she might they just didn't register. _It's no use. The haze has come back._ She thought bitterly, pushing back from her desk and standing up from her swivel chair.

"It _has_ been a while…." She reasoned quietly, heading towards the bathroom that connected to her bedroom, a stony expression on her face.

With eerily steady hands she pulled back the drawer that held all the things no one ever cared about unless direly needed; bobby-pins, band aids, extra hair elastics and stray combs she'd never use. Her eyes roamed over the contents until she saw it, the little black locket on the long silver chain.

She licked her lips, and grasped it carefully; as if afraid it might break. It was cold to the touch, and Spencer suddenly found herself wondering why she'd ever stopped wearing it any way.

_"Would you relax?" Alison laughed, slapping Spencer playfully on the arm. "It's just a quiz; he didn't even say it'd go on the report card." She reasoned with a smile as Spencer chewed on her lip, eyes downcast on the Science textbook balanced on her lap. _

_"But- But I have to be ready." Spencer whispered frantically. "I have to do perfectly."_

_Alison raised a blonde eyebrow. "Sounds like a lot of pressure." She said slowly._

_Spencer didn't respond, she merely continued to reread the same paragraph for what must have been the sixth or seventh time. "It just doesn't make __**sense**__!" Spencer cried out exasperatedly after once again not being able to focus. "It's like my brain keeps freezing up!"_

_Alison squinted at Spencer in thought before a smirk tugged up the corner of her mouth. "I think I could help with that." She said simply, before continuing to flip through her magazine, pretending to read it. "There's a way to clear you head; sharpen your senses. Let it all out." She continued nonchalantly, as if she were talking about boys and fashion as opposed to a way for Spencer to study like she desperately wanted to. _

_"Well what is it?" Spencer asked incredulously. If Alison had a way to help her, why not just do it already? Oh right, because it's Alison._

_Alison looked over at Spencer, fainting deep thought, before finally letting out a sigh and speaking. "I'm not sure Spencer __**Hastings**__ is up for it." She said sadly, looking back at her magazine, successfully making Spencer sit up straighter with a determined expression. "I mean, can't you do anything without help?" She mocked with her characteristic smirk._

_Spencer blinked. Shouldn't she be able to? That was true… But, as long as she did it, that's what mattered right? As long as she won, it wouldn't matter that she got help. "Ali, just tell me." She said in defeat._

_With a devilish, toothy smile, Alison led Spencer away from the living room, and back up to her bedroom, shutting the door firmly once they were inside. "You've got to keep it a secret though, okay?" She said, even as she strode over to her nightstand and pulled back the bottom drawer._

_"Alright." Spencer said, now definitely curious. _

_Alison retrieved a necklace from the drawer, a black locket with swirls inscribed all over it dangled from her hand as she beckoned Spencer closer, and placed it in her hand._

_"What's this?" Spencer asked, turning it over in her palm, now noticing that the swirls were designed to look like flames. _

_"Your new best friend," Alison answered darkly. "Open it."_

_Spencer's brows crumpled together in the middle of her forehead; how was a necklace going to fix her problems? With great care she cracked it open in her hands, gasped with wide eyes when she saw what was inside._

_"Ali! Why would __**this**__ be any help?" She exclaimed, still eyeing it in confusion. It glinted in the lights of Alison's bedroom, and Spencer couldn't help but be fascinated by the sight of it._

_"Didn't you want to do your best? Believe me, it does wonders." She said with a smile that slightly favoured the right. "When things get hard, it makes everything simple." _

_"But-" Spencer was at a loss for words, and that __**never**__ happened. "Well, are you sure?" She asked uncertainly after a moment._

_Alison just smiled at her, walking towards her bedroom door, she looked over her shoulder just as her hand grasped the door knob._

_"Trust me Spence," Alison said soothingly. "And remember," She added with a sly grin, "Try to keep it where you can hide it. Wouldn't want someone noticing hmm?" She pulled the door open, and left the room, shutting the door closed behind her, and left Spencer alone to decide._

That had been 3 years ago, and now Alison was gone, Spencer was in high school, and she still couldn't think of a better way to deal with things.

She let out a shaky breath as she pulled the silver piece across her thigh one more time, letting out a sigh as she closed her eyes and let the sensation course through her.

It felt like, release. Like everything was leaving her, and she didn't care in the slightest. A lazy smile curved her lips and she breathed deeply as the tingles came; they started out at the tip of her spine, the back of her neck, and then spread out, branching through every vein as they raced down to concentrate on that one, stinging spot.

"_God,_" She rasped, fingers shaking as she tucked the little piece of metal back into the locket, closing it, and then slipping it around her head to rest around her neck. It had been so long…

Then she blinked, and reality came back. _I need to finish that Latin essay… And study for that History final. And didn't Hanna ask if I could help her with her Chem homework?_ She stood up from where she'd sat on the edge of her tub, quickly cleaning herself off, being sure to bandage her thigh like she always did; lightly, so as to not bring any attention to it.

"Right," She sighed. "Back to work." And to her delight, the Latin came easily, and the History she knew so well she could practically feel the silk gowns and tight corsets of the people they were studying.

"Like always." She said with a soft smile as she lay down in her bed for the night, having just made plans to help Hanna tomorrow after school. "_It does wonders_." She whispered softly into her pillow, silently thanking Alison.

* * *

Spencer shifted in her seat, trying to ignore the stinging feeling that shot through her thigh as she did so. It had been months since she'd last relieved herself this way, and she must've misjudged her strength, or the sharpness of the blade; either way, it had ended up being deeper than she'd intended, and now she was left nervously wriggling in her seat in Chem, wondering how to deal with the fact that she could feel fresh sticky warmth under the bandage on her right leg.

She glanced over at Hanna, who was concentrating on her notebook, writing down what the teacher was lecturing on about. Spencer sighed; she couldn't cancel on Hanna, not only would that be suspicious, but her friend really needed the help, and would no doubt freeze her out for the entirety of lunch, and the last two periods of the day if she did. That meant that if Spencer was going to check on her injuries, and re-bandage them if necessary, she'd have to do so quickly in the bathroom once the lunch bell rang, with just what she had in her bag, and whatever she could find in the bathroom, which would no doubt not be much.

_Oh screw it._ Spencer thought, carelessly. _I'll just try not move too much and hope for the best._

The bell rang loudly, cutting off Mr. Handler as he finished up his speech on Covalent Bonds. "And remember to finish up last classes homework with the added pages!" He called out as the class filed out rather quickly.

Hanna appeared beside Spencer as she carefully stood up, hiding a wince as the muscles in her leg sent a fresh rush of stinging. "Ready for lunch?" Hanna asked, oblivious to Spencer's discomfort. "Aria's probably going to be late; Mr. Fitz and her were totally eye-screwing this morning, and I bet she went to see him after her Math class!" She said with a mischievous smirk, linking her arm with Spencer's as they walked to the Cafeteria together. "Imma totally tease her when she shows up flushed and panting!" She said a little too loudly, winking at a student who was obviously listening in. "Not talkin' 'bout you Hot stuff." She quipped.

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Do you have to be so, center-stage?" Spencer finally said, struggling to find the proper words to describe Hanna.

Hanna just gave her a pearly white grin as she pushed through the doors to the Cafeteria. "Best place to be, babe!"

They sat down at the same table they always sat at, Emily having already arrived waved at them as they approached. "Where's Aria?" She asked, raising an eyebrow when Spencer took a deep breath and rolled her eyes.

"Here we go…" Spencer said under her breath, just as Hanna's grin grew tenfold.

"Shacking up with Mr. Fitz in an empty English classroom." She said simply, pulling out a pack of Skittles from her bag to snack on in place of a lunch. "Bet she's all hot and sweaty, moaning out his name." Hanna continued, her voice dropping to a husky whisper by the end before popping a green Skittle into her mouth.

"Who's moaning what?" Aria's voice asked from behind the blond, sending Hanna into a coughing fit resulting in her swallowing her Skittle whole. Emily, who'd initially blushed at the tone of voice Hanna had used, was now covering her mouth with her hand, trying to supress giggles at Hanna's surprised expression.

"Uh, nothing!" Hanna sputtered, face now heavily blushing.

Aria raised an eyebrow, not convinced in the slightest, but shrugged it off and moved to sit beside Emily. "Whatever, anyway," Aria continued, turning in so she was facing all of them together. "Have any of you guys gotten messages from A?" Her voice had dropped considerably, but Emily still winced at the mention of their anonymous tormentor.

Hanna shook her head, and Emily said she hadn't, but when Spencer squeaked out a "N-No!" Hanna looked at her, brows scrunched together in confusion.

To save herself from questioning, Spencer turned to Aria, "Have you?"

"No." Aria said a little too quickly, looking down at her hands, picking at the black nail polish that painted her fingers.

Spencer wasn't completely convinced, but let it slide as she didn't want any of them asking her again either.

_Spencer awoke to the sound of buzzing, blinking the sleep away from her eyes she squinted at the clock on her bedside table, 4:50AM. Who could be texting her at this hour? _

_With slightly fuzzy vision, Spencer grabbed at her vibrating phone, clicked the proper buttons to open the message, more from muscle memory than from her actually being able to see what she was doing. The bright light of the screen was blinding already, and the fuzziness from having just awoken didn't help much either._

_Failing to read the message, Spencer closed her eyes for a moment, and willed them to adjust to the light before looking back at the screen, what she saw made her wish she'd just gone back to sleep._

**_Old habits die hard, huh Spence? Remember to keep it hidden, wouldn't want your girls to notice hmm. –A_**

"You're still coming over right? Right?" Hanna's voice broke through her memory of this morning, and she blinked to find a purple Skittle being thrown at her.

"Huh?" She mumbled, picking up the Skittle from where it had landed on the table in front of her before popping it in her mouth much like Hanna had done earlier. "Right, yeah. I'll meet you at your car after last period." She confirmed.

Hanna smiled, glad their plans were still on. "I'll make sure to ask for extra peperoni on our pizza!" She said with a nod.

Only Hanna would think 'Helping with homework.' meant 'hanging out and eating pizza'.

* * *

"You've got to be kidding!" Hanna exclaimed loudly. "There's no way this makes any sense." She shook her head in denial, throwing her pencil down on the desk, and watched it roll across the pages of her textbook to rest wedged in the middle.

Spencer held back a smile as she once again went over it with Hanna. "It's not supposed to be easy Han." She chided her, picking up the blonde's notebook and skimming over the page. After a moment she looked over at her friend with a raised eyebrow. "Are you serious?" She deadpanned.

Tilting the page to show it to the blonde, Spencer shook it at her as if to say 'What is this?' "You wrote down the lyrics for 'Lucky'?"

Hanna shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah? What, I'm supposed to pay attention in class?" She said with a snarky voice.

Spencer rolled her eyes and sighed. "Hanna, you've got to at least try. You know you're smarter than you let everyone think."

Hanna straightened up in her chair, "I have no idea what you're talking about." She said unconvincingly.

With a wry smile Spencer set the notebook down and leaned over the open textbook, flipping it to a different page, and reading through the questions to find one to start Hanna on.

"Here, try this one." Spencer said, still eyeing the question, "It's one of the basic one-"

"What's that?" Hanna interrupted her, eyes trained down at Spencer's lap.

"Huh?" Spencer asked in confusion, following Hanna gaze, eyes widening slightly at the sight. Apparently the bandages she'd placed were a little _too_ light; dark red-brown was seeping through her jeans, leaving three lines of colour on the blue fabric. "Oh that?" Spencer shrugged, looking back at the textbook. "I left a marker uncapped on my desk yesterday and it fell into my lap." She explained easily, silently praying Hanna would buy it. _I guess that whole 'hope for the best' plan didn't work out too well…._

Hanna's mouth turned up at one corner in thought; it wasn't like Spencer to just leave something like a marker uncapped on her desk, but then why would Spencer lie about it?

"Okay…" She said uncertainly, leaning forward slightly to look over the question Spencer was pointing at.

"Ugh." She groaned. "I hate Science."

"It's Chemistry, Han." Spencer reminded her with a laugh, writing down an example for Hanna to see.

"Same thing." Hanna dismissed with a wave, her eyes discreetly glancing back down to Spencer's lap. Were the lines, bigger?

After another twenty minutes of Spencer explaining, and Hanna making witty remark after sarcastic comment, Hanna chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. There was _definitely_ something more going on with Spencer's pants. _I swore there were only three little lines before._ Hanna thought confused. What was Spencer hiding?

"Hey, Spence?" She said softly, eyes trained on her own lap as she rubbed the inside of her palm with her thumb.

Spencer looked up from her notebook, having briefly given up on Hanna so she could finish her own Chem homework. "Yeah?" She questioned; concern clear on her face. Hanna was never so, gentle about things. She was always one to just blurt it out and get it over with.

"Well, I know we all have secrets," She started quietly, fidgeting in her lap. "Like A, that's something the four of us keep a secret, but, we also keep secrets from each other." She said the last part slowly, delicately. "And that's fine, we all do it, and sometimes it's for the better. But, well, Spence, you know that you can tell me anything right?" She continued nervously.

Spencer's brow creased, what was this about? Did Hanna have a secret she wanted to share? "Yeah, same goes to you Han. I'll always be here for you." She comforted, assuming Hanna wanted to confide in her.

Hanna licked her lips, and stilled her hands. "I know. I just, Spence, is, is there something going on with you? I know we all have our secrets, but, you don't have to bare them alone."

Spencer just blinked at her in shock. Hanna thought something was going on? Was she really that bad a liar? Spencer smiled at her, "Hanna, you're hilarious you know?" She laughed. "Yes, we all have secrets, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any, but it's not like I'm keeping something life-changing from you guys." She said it so obviously even she started to believe it. What necklace?

Hanna laughed nervously. "Right. What was I thinking? Of course it's not life-changing, you're Spencer!" She reasoned, only a flash of doubt still in her mind. It did seem odd, but who was she to think _Spencer_ of all people would lie to her about something serious? The girl was Mrs. Harvard; everything was serious. And besides, they all knew Spencer couldn't lie to save her life.

Spencer sighed with relief internally, and turned back to the textbook. "Try this one again." She said sternly. "And no pizza till you get it."

Hanna glared at her in mock-anger. "How dare you?! Pizza time is so much more important!" She cried out, the look of seriousness on her face actually making Spencer convinced that she thought so.

With an eye roll Spencer thrust the notebook at her and a pencil. "Get to work Barbie."

* * *

**Heya! So, this is something I've kind of been wanting to do for a while, It'll be an eventual Spanna romantic pairing, and I apologise to anyone who does find this triggering, but I did put a warning. Any way, if you do find this triggering, send me a PM, or give me a review saying so, and I can either dial it down, or place more direct warnings on the more triggering parts.**

**Hope you guys like it! Reviews are just wonderful to see, whether they're nice or not it's a joy to get them. (And they might make me work harder, ya' know...)**


	2. Bloody Little Secret

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Pretty Little Liars, or any of the characters below. Nor do I own any of the candy ever mentioned in this story. (Maynards Swedish Berries)**

**Warning: This does contain self-harm, and may be triggering. Just, stop reading if you have to okay? And PM me if you have any problems with this story, or it's ratings.**

Okay, Hanna was _definitely_ convinced that Spencer was hiding something. The dark haired girl had been anxiously wiggling in her chair for the past half hour, something Spencer never did, not to mention the fidgeting, her fingers were nervously clasped onto the end of a long shiny chain that wrapped around her neck, Hanna briefly wondered why she'd never seen it before, before figuring from the length of the chain that it usually hung low under Spencer's shirt whenever she wore it.

_It probably dangles right between her breasts…_.

Hanna blinked and sat up straighter. What was _that?_ _Get it together Hanna. Spencer's acting weird, remember? Stop thinking about her bra!_

Hanna shook herself out of her daze, and looked back over at Spencer. Her left hand held the end of the chain in her fist tightly, while her right rubbed up and down her thigh nervously. Her head was bent over the textbook on her desk, and she was staring at it, brows creased helplessly as she frowned at it.

Wait, frown? _Spencer_, frowning at school work? Never.

**_Brrrrrrring!_**

_Finally!_ Hanna sighed, _I hate Chem._ _Wait, focus, Spencer._

As the class enthusiastically packed their things and left for lunch, Spencer quickly stuffed her things haphazardly in her bag before bolting out of the room, completely forgetting that Hanna shared Chem with her, and that she should walk to the Cafeteria with her.

_Not that I wanted to…._ Grumbled Hanna as she picked up her purse and left to walk to lunch alone. _I'll just have to talk to Spencer later. Something's definitely up with her…._

* * *

Spencer was freaking out, wouldn't you be if the haze was back already? It had only been 3 days, 3 days! She was used to it being weeks apart, not to mention how she'd gone without it completely for a whole 5 months.

Why was it happening again? Did it have something to do with A? Can A control things like that?

_Don't be crazy Spencer, of course A can't control that._ She chided herself, mind racing as she fingered the locket, eyes not registering anything on the page in front of her. How could this possibly be happening? At school no less.

Spencer dark brown eyes flickered up at the clock on the wall above Mr. Handler; _Class ends in like, 3 minutes, you can last that long right? Just, go to the bathroom, and get it over with quickly, that way the haze will vanish, and none of the girls will notice you're gone._ She thought to herself in a calming manner. She had to admit, there was a bit of a thrill at doing something like _that_ at school, where one of the girls could easily come looking for her and find out.

Would it even be all that bad if one or all of them knew? Spencer trusted that they could keep a secret, hell, A was living proof of that! And it's not like she didn't want to tell at least one of them, it was tiring keeping it a secret from even them. If she did tell them about it, she could relax at least some of the time.

_I could even wear shorts again, or simply change together like we used to._ She thought with a small smile, _Wait, Earth to Spencer! _If they found out, they'd make her stop, and she could _not_ handle that. Especially if the haze came back as quickly as it did all the time from now on.

**_Brrrrrrring!_**

_Thank God._ Spencer sighed, _I was so close to leaving without permission._

She stuffed her things in her bag, and left as quickly as she could, the sooner she got to the bathroom, the sooner she could relieve herself, and pretend like nothing happened.

To her luck the bathroom was empty, and judging by the way the other teens were rushing to the Cafeteria, it must be pizza day or something, which meant, yet again to her luck, it was unlikely that anyone would come use the bathroom for the next little while.

Spencer tossed her bag to the floor of the stall she'd walked in, and shut the door; _Now or never Spencer._ She said to herself as she unclipped the locket, and delicately pulled the shiny little culprit out.

She chewed on her lip as she shimmied out of her jeans, using the wall of the stall for balance when the pain of her already existing injuries heightened from exertion.

_Shit, where do I do it?_ She worried; if she placed it on her left leg, she'd need new bandages, and since she didn't have any she might end up with another moment like she'd had with Hanna, and that was not something she'd risk.

She carefully peeled back the padding on her right thigh, and brought her steely little friend to the skin, careful to make sure it was on angle to the pre-existing cuts; if she overlapped too heavily, it could end up too deep.

To her joy, the relief was instantaneous; her body seemed to deflate of all stress, and her mind was wonderfully clear, heightened even; Spencer felt she could do anything at all in that moment and nothing could stop her.

She shivered as a cold rush ran through her, numbing her sense before the pain in her leg flared. It stung, the feeling sending jolts of electric pain straight to her bones, causing her to cringe. It had never felt like this before.

Spencer looked down at her leg, at once thrilled, and frightened to see that in the spots her new cut ran over her older ones, there was a larger amount of red, not enough to bleed through her now doubled bandages, but enough to let her know it was going to hurt quite a bit for the rest of the day.

_Great, so the haze is gone, but now I'll be distracted by __**this**__ for the rest of the day, perfect._ She thought wryly as she replaced the padding, and pulled her jeans up over her now burning skin.

She clipped her locket closed, dropped it under her shirt and picked up her bag. _And now to the Caff._

To her delight the hallway was mostly empty, so she didn't have to cover the look of obvious discomfort on her face too often, or the way she favoured her left, to humour the now aching muscles in her leg.

When she got to the Cafeteria however, was a different story. As Spencer entered the busy room, she spotted the table where they always sat, unfortunately for her Emily, Aria and Hanna were already all there.

_Oh crap, Hanna._ Spencer froze, _Hanna was in my Chemistry class…. So much for no one noticing I left…_

She slapped herself internally as she arrived at the table, "Hey guys." She greeted like nothing was out of place, before she sat down next to Emily and set her book bag on the table beside her.

"Where were you?" Emily asked curiously, uncapping a bottle of water before taking a swig of it.

"Yeah, you left Chem like your shoes were on fire and your desk was covered in gasoline." Hanna said from across the table, riffling through her purse before pulling out a bag of Swedish Berries.

"Oh, yeah." Spencer laughed nervously. "I had to get something from my locker." She said noncommittally, hoping none of them would call her bluff.

Aria tilted her head to the side, her brows creased in thought. "I walked by your locker on my way here from Math class. I didn't see you."

_Crap. _"Oh, well I had to talk to Ms. Grundy, she caught me before I got there, so I was kind of held up. How's Maya?" _Great job Spencer, like anyone believes that. Not to mention, obvious segue much?_

Emily smiled softly. "She's fine."

_Okay, one down. _She thought relieved. Her relief didn't last long.

"Was Miss Grundy giving you a reward for like, perfect attendance or something?" Hanna asked as she picked a Swedish Berry from the pink packet, and scrutinized it for moment before popping it in her mouth.

Spencer shrugged, and busied herself with pulling her lunch from her bag. "She wanted to ask if I could talk to some of the Freshman about doing better in school." _Nice one! That's believable._

"Hmm," Hanna hummed in thought, still clearly not convinced, but Hanna was no worry to Spencer, she was easily distracted if done right.

"You know candy isn't good for you, especially if you eat it instead of a proper lunch." Spencer criticized.

Hanna looked at her with mock offense, "Candy is a very good supplement of sugar, and sweetener, which in turn provides energy, energy which I, as a hard working student and growing teen, need dearly. It would only make sense I try to increase my sugar levels, and in that my energy, by eating as much candy as I can, to properly allow myself the healthy amount of energy I need for the day." She said all this without a breath, and managed to pop another red gummy into her mouth before inhaling.

"Uh…" Aria said, looking at Hanna like she'd just confessed to being A.

Emily held a similar expression, but had a fork with a piece of lettuce dangling from it half-way to her mouth.

"What?" Hanna asked innocently. "I know my candy." She finished shamelessly, before yet again popping another candy into her mouth.

Spencer just smiled at the obvious tone Hanna used. _She never ceases to surprise me._

* * *

Over the course of a week things progressed smoothly, or at least it seemed that way to Spencer, she'd sneak away to release herself whenever the haze came, sometimes that meant in between classes, before field hockey practice, and once, very carefully, at a sleepover after everyone had gone to sleep. She could easily explain away the moments when she needed to be alone, and it wasn't like her parents were around enough to notice her garbage contained more used gauze and medical supplies than it should.

There was only one little problem. _Hanna._

The blonde girl was smart, smarter than she usually let on, and that was a problem for Spencer, especially since she always seemed to be around whenever Spencer let her guard slip.

"Are you limping?" Hanna asked with a confused expression. "Did you get hurt during field hockey?" She questioned from the island in Spencer's open-concept kitchen.

"What?" Spencer froze mid-step, one hand holding the fridge door handle while the other was caught pulling the milk jug out. "I'm not limping." She said simply, closing the door and turning to face Hanna.

She started uncapping the jug, careful to keep her stance even to not suggest she favoured one side over the other.

"Uhm, yeah you are." Hanna said conclusively. "You've been using your left way more than your right. Someone finally whoop you?" She challenged with a grin. "A Hastings losing? I won't tell anyone, I promise." She said with a failed attempt at a serious expression.

Spencer smiled at her, _Crisis averted._ "You're ridiculous." She chuckled, passing a glass of milk to Hanna.

But that was from Spencer's point of view, to Hanna, everything got weirder over the course of a week. Spencer started getting more distant, she stopped confiding in any of her three best friends about anything, even the small stuff like bitching about Mellissa, or talking about her insane ass hat of a perfectionist father. Not to mention how weird she was getting, she wouldn't even change in front of any of them anymore.

_Not that I care._ Hanna thought defensively. But it was out of character, she wouldn't even try on any of Hanna's new clothes when they all were. Even Emily, the out-of-the-closet-lesbian was more open about changing and sharing clothes than Spencer seemed to be anymore.

And then there was the jeans. Always the jeans.

"Damn it's hot!" Hanna exclaimed, fanning herself with a hand, looking around as if a high-pressure fan was going to pop out of nowhere and cool her off.

"Yeah." Spencer agreed with a nod and a drawn out breath, she pulled a water bottle from her bag and took a drink, offering it to Hanna when she was done.

"Thanks." Hanna sighed and took it, looking down at Spencer's lap in confusion. "Uh, Spence? What's with the pants? I thought we established the 'it's freakin' hot' factor."

Spencer looked down, as if just seeing for the first time. "Oh, well, yeah. All my shorts are in the wash." She finally answered, not looking Hanna in the eye.

Hanna scrutinised her for a moment, attempting to decide where the truth was in that sentence, before coming up with the answer that it wasn't. "Okay. I think I've got an extra pair in my car, you can borrow them." She offered, finally drinking from the cool plastic bottle.

Spencer licked her lips and looked at her with a well-timed smile. "Actually, that's alright. It isn't that hot."

Hanna held back the urge to give her an incredulous look, and instead smiled back and handed her the bottle. "Okay."

_Now that I think about it, I can't remember the last time I saw her in anything but jeans._

Throughout the week Hanna always brushed things off as, 'Spencer would've told us', or 'Spencer is a horrible liar anyway' and sometimes, when it was really obvious, 'Spencer wouldn't keep that from me'.

And now here she is, a week and a half day later, on the verge of angry tears with her phone clutched tightly in her fist, a determined expression and a confused Spencer in front of her.

"Drop your pants." Hanna said sternly, a grim expression on her face.

Spencer blinked at her like she was crazy. "_What?"_

The usually animated blonde had cornered her in the hallway, and promptly dragged her to an empty classroom without a word. And then when she did speak, she didn't make sense.

"I said, drop your pants." She demanded, her voice uncharacteristically hard. "Do it, or I will." She threatened, taking a step closer to Spencer, her chest heaving as her breathing became excited.

Spencer was at a loss. _What_ was Hanna thinking? Sure, the girls changed in front of each other all the time, even after Emily came out, but never had they demanded the other disrobe. Not to mention Spencer's _little problem_.

"No!" Spencer protested indignantly. "What's gotten into you Hanna?" She asked incredulously.

Hanna sighed, but her eyes looked, sad? "I mean it Spence." Her voice had lost some of its harshness, it was more earnest, pleading. "If you don't, I will." She said again. _Okay, she was definitely sad._

"Hanna what's going on?" Spencer asked, concerned. This wasn't like Hanna at all.

Hanna took a shaky breath, and closed her eyes. "I got a text from A." She whispered, looking up at Spencer for a reaction. "Just, _please_ Spence, take off your jeans." She begged.

Hanna got a text from A? What did it say? Was A forcing Hanna to, _do_ something to her? A crippling fear gripped at Spencer. Did A tell Hanna about her, problem?

Spencer's voice was ragged, like she hadn't spoken in years, and had suddenly decided to work her raw throat to speak. "I can't." She rasped, avoiding Hanna's gaze.

"What, what did A tell you?" She asked quietly.

Rather than receiving an answer from her friend, Spencer got the shock of her life. As soon as Spencer had denied to do as she was told, the blonde stood forward, affectively trapping her from running out of the room, and when Spencer had tentatively asked her what A had sent her, she barely heard it, she was too busy unbuttoning Spencer's jeans to pay attention.

"Hanna!" Spencer exclaimed, only briefly noticing that Hanna had tears running from her eyes. She swatted at the other girls hands, and tried to push her away, but the shorter girl was surprisingly strong, and very much determined.

Before Spencer could affectively get the other girl away from her, Hanna had the button undone and the zipper down and was desperately tugging the fabric down.

Hanna gasped when she got the blue jeans far enough down to release the white gauze-y patch that was taped down on Spencer's thigh.

She fell, her butt hit the ground hard, but she could care less. A had been right. Through her strangled sobs, and heaving breaths, Hanna could vaguely make out Spencer kneeling in front of her calling her name.

_"You should definitely come with me next time!" Hanna said enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around Aria in a hug. "It's been so long since we got to just hang out and go shopping. Mr. Fitz keeping ya busy at night and tired all day?" She taunted with a saucy wink after releasing Aria from her grip._

_Aria blushed and looked down at her lap, only a little guiltily. "His name is Ezra." She mumbled before pushing the blonde back playfully, and getting up off the bench. "I should probably get going," She said glancing at her phone for the time. A light blush dusted her cheeks in fresh pink. "Ezra has a free period next class, so I can see him before last period." She explained before leaving quickly to save herself from more teasing at Hanna command._

_Hanna felt a vibration from her pocket, and instantly froze. __**Please be Emily, or Spencer, or Mom, hell I'd take Dad over A….**__ She pleaded to herself as she retrieved her phone, and opened the message from 'Unknown'._

_"Seriously?" she hissed to herself, just her luck, it was from A._

**_You're all just pretty little liars aren't you? Well here's a secret little Spencie doesn't want you to know. She's got another best friend; only this one doesn't do much but hurt. Don't believe me? Take a look under those jeans, I know you've been dying to, but what you'll find won't be pretty. –A_**

_Hanna's blood ran cold. No, no, this couldn't be right. Why would Spencer lie to them? Why would she keep something like that to herself if it was hurting her?_

_Hanna didn't even register A's comment about her wanting to see Spencer unclothed, she couldn't focus on anything but searching for Spencer, and proving A wrong. _

_"She has to be wrong….."_

"Hanna!" Spencer called to her again after shimmying her jeans back up and over the bandages. Did she have to be so forceful? _It's gonna ache for the rest of the day now._

"Hanna! Why did you do that?" She demanded. "Are you trying to molest me?" She said rhetorically before pulling Hanna up from where she'd crumpled to the floor.

"A…" Hanna croaked, before turning her bright blue eyes to Spencer's. "A was right." She whispered horrified, before choking Spencer in an air-tight hug, tears running down her face to stain Spencer's ridiculous blazer.

"Shhh, Hanna, calm down." Spencer soothed, rubbing a hand up and down Hanna's back. _A was right? So what did she tell her? What does Hanna know?_ "Let's just miss last period okay? You're in no shape for History, and I'm already ahead of it anyway. Let me take you home." She reasoned calmly. _I need to know what Hanna does, but she's still my friend, I can't just let her cry all day._

Hanna gave a teary nod, and let Spencer lead her out of the empty classroom and through the abandoned halls to her car.

_Oh God Spence, _She sobbed to herself. _Why?_

* * *

**Hello my lovely friends. I'm so glad people actually seem to like this story! I've been wanting to do it for so long...**

**Please PM me if you've got any ideas, suggestions or complaints, I swear I listen to every one.**

**And once again, reviews really do help me! Damn, these chapters seem really long to me. Are they long to you? (Feels like it when I'm writing them!) Do you think I should've waited longer for Hanna to find out?**


	3. Moar Secrets and Helping Hanna's

**Disclaimer: Basically, I own nothing but the plot to this story.**

**Warning: May be Triggering to those who find self-harm of any kind triggering, so just, be careful yes?**

Hanna felt like someone had just poured bleach down her throat, and it now was eating its way through her chest to her heart. Spencer was being hurt. _Her_ Spencer was being _hurt._

Despite all that happened in the empty classroom, Spencer was calm. She'd brought Hanna back to the Hastings home with the knowledge that no one would be home until very late, giving them lots of time to talk. Of course talking about what happened requires them to actually be talking, something nether of them wanted to be the first to do.

Hanna took a deep breath, and let out a steady sigh. "Who is it?" She breathed out, eyes closed lightly. _Oh god, Spence. Do I even __**want**__ to know?_

Spencer looked up from her lap where she'd been nervously picking at her nails. "What?" She asked in heavy confusion.

Hanna took another steadying breath. "Don't lie to me Spence, who hurt you?"

Spencer stared at her for a moment. "You think, you think someone is abusing me?" She sputtered.

Hanna opened her eyes and looked at Spencer like she'd grown a third arm. "Well I certainly don't think whatever's under that gauze was an accident." She gestured to Spencer's lap. "You hid it, lied about it, and wrapped it up yourself. Not a lot about that screams 'it's nothing'. So just, tell me who Spence, we can help you." Her voice took on a softer tone. "Are you, safe, at home?" she asked tenderly.

Spencer laughed, which instantly gave Hanna another look of confusion, and to a lesser extent, anger. "This isn't funny Spencer. If someone's hurting you, you need to tell me!"

At the look of annoyance on Hanna's face, Spencer stopped her laughing and shook her head. "I'm safe at home Han, I'm just as safe at school, or your house. Anywhere I go, I'm at just as much risk of getting hurt." She explained, still a little giddy from her laughing streak at the thought of someone in her family hurting her. They were all too perfect for that.

Hanna's brows scrunched down in confusion. "So, it's someone you're always around? Is it A?" She asked with a sudden dread. If A was physically hurting Spencer, then A had just taken on a new level of torture.

"No, no." Spencer said with a shake of her head. _Should I tell her?_ **Of course not! If you tell her, she'd tell Aria, and Emily, maybe even your parents. Do you want them to know what their perfect little Hastings is doing?**

_Well, no, but- _**But nothing! If you somehow convince her to keep it quiet, do you really think she'll just let you keep doing it?**

_Well, no. But would it really be all that bad if I did stop? If Hanna helped me stop?_

**What? Are you crazy? You ****_need_**** this.**

_No, I don't. I don't want it anymore._

"Spencer? Spencer!" Hanna snapped, waving a hand in front of her friend's face. "Just tell me who did this to you! Tell me why someone would hurt you!" Tears were threatening to leak through again, but Hanna pushed through it. If Spencer was going to be honest and tell her who hurt her, she had to be strong, for Spencer.

Spencer's answer was almost too quiet to hear, and yet it sounded deafening to Hanna.

"What?" She stopped, stopped thinking, stopped crying, stopped breathing. _No._

"I said," Spencer repeated a little louder. "I did it."

_I'm dreaming. I fell asleep in History again, and this is just a nightmare. I'm gonna wake up in a minute, and Mr. Darton will give me a detention._

Spencer looked up at Hanna tentatively, trying to gouge her reaction.

_I'm gonna be sick._

"Oh Spencer." Hanna whispered, her voice cracking. The blonde lurched forward, wrapping her arms around a nervous Spencer, tears leaking silently down her face to stain the other girl's blazer.

"Why Spence?" She whispered, and Spencer found herself wondering why Hanna was crying, it was only Spencer, and she wasn't worth crying over?

Spencer found she couldn't do much but surrender to the hug, wrapping her arms around Hanna's waist, and pulling the smaller girl closer. Hugs were surprisingly comforting, and Spencer could definitely use some comforting right now.

"I had to Han. It's the only thing that, makes sense when everything gets too much." She explained quietly. _Hanna smells really good._

Hanna pulled back slightly, her arms still around Spencer's shoulders, but now she could look at Spencer properly. "Well, now you're gonna come to me when things get too much, okay?" Hanna said with a determined look in her eye.

**See? She's going to make you stop….**

"Are you, are you going to tell anyone?" Spencer asked softly, looking carefully into bright blue eyes. "Are you forcing me to stop?" She whispered finally.

Hanna licked her lips and looked deeply into Spencer's dark almond eyes. "I know what it's like to, to do things to yourself you can't tell others." She explained slowly, continuing with the look of confusion Spencer gave her. "Ali-" She started, but before she could explain further, realization dawned on Spencer.

"_Ali,_" She breathed.

Hanna nodded, and continued in earnest. "I was too heavy, Hefty Hanna, after all. So I stopped eating right, stopped keeping it down. So, I know I can't force you to stop, and I wouldn't force you out, like A did with that text she sent me, but I will not let you keep doing this without help." She ended determinedly, holding Spencer closer in a tight hug.

Spencer sighed in relief and tightened her grip on Hanna. "Thank you." She whispered.

Hanna nodded into Spencer's silky brown hair. "I just, I care about you Spence. I really don't want to see you do this anymore."

Spencer didn't respond; she didn't know how. "Do you want something to drink? I think we've got some caramel popcorn downstairs. Movie night?" Spencer offered hopefully, pulling back from the hug to get up. Spencer really wanted Hanna to stay; this is the first time she'd told anyone about it! Despite the depressed tone of the topic, Spencer was kind of giddy. She didn't have to carry the secret alone anymore!

Hanna smiled up at her friend. "Yeah, a movie sounds good." She got up from the bed and followed Spencer down the stairs. "Do you have any Twizzlers? They go great with popcorn!"

Spencer turned to look at Hanna as she took a seat at the island by the kitchen. "Hanna, caramel popcorn is already sweet." She explained in confusion.

Hanna grinned at her before hopping off the seat with a twirl and skipping over to the movie selection. "Nothing's ever too sweet!" She called over her shoulder with a smile.

Spencer ended up smiling too, only a little, and to herself. _Hanna, you're ridiculous…_

Spencer was kind of amazed, _How can she handle it?_ She wondered.

They'd settled on watching the movie, 'The Roommate.' Because Hanna, despite getting frightened very easily, loved to watch scary movies; well, at least she did in hindsight, during the movie however, she cursed herself repeatedly before throwing a sock at the TV screen to 'make her feel safer' she'd explained after hitting Leighton Meester square in the nose with a blue stripped fuzzy.

Spencer couldn't find any Twizzlers, so Hanna improvised with the Wine Gums in her purse, which she was now swallowing down in handfuls along with the caramel covered popcorn. Spencer had tried one mouthful, and instantly felt the cavities taking root in her teeth. How Hanna even managed to enjoy the sugar overload was beyond the athletic smarty pants, and she was silently wondering if Hanna were really only 6, and the whole, grow-up-together thing was just a mind game. How else could she shovel back the sugar like nobody's business?

A sudden thought struck Spencer; would Hanna be keeping it down later? She hadn't said if, or when she'd stopped the unhealthy habit of her own. Just the thought of Hanna not treating herself right made Spencer feel nauseous. Is this how Hanna had felt?

"Hey," Spencer said quietly, almost laughing at the jump Hanna gave at the sudden noise.

Hanna held a hand to her heart, willing the flutter underneath it to calm down. She was _so_ going to give it to Spencer. She _knew_ by now not to scare her during a suspenseful part. People died that way.

One look at the serious expression on Spencer's face stopped that thought, and Hanna instantly looked at her friend with worry. "What is it Spence?"

Dark brown eyes jerked away from inquiring blue ones, and Spencer was finding it hard not to blush. _Why am I embarrassed to ask?_ "Do you, uh, still, _do it?"_ She tried, eyes still intently focusing on the plush couch. _Is that a stain?_

Hanna raised an eyebrow, innuendoes coming in by the dozens. "Do what?" She prodded, a smirk lightly curving her lips.

Spencer chewed on her bottom lip nervously. "Eat, badly…." She whispered brokenly. _Eat badly? Does that even make sense?_

"Oh," Hanna said slowly, looking down at the bowl of popcorn in her hands. "Not anymore." She said with a tiny smile. "I mean, I don't have breakfast, and sometimes I skip lunch, but, at least it's not like I'm, getting rid of what I do eat." She explained softly. "I know it's not exactly healthy, but it's getting close, and no one said recovery was easy."

Spencer nodded silently, and let her eyes flicker up to gaze at Hanna. She was looking down thoughtfully at the couch, a small smile on her pink lips, and she looked peaceful. _I want that,_ Spencer thought, _I want to be peaceful._

"You're beautiful." The words were out before she could even register her thoughts of them.

Hanna looked up at her in surprise, her mouth slightly open as if to respond, only nothing came out.

"I- I mean," She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. "I just. I meant, well…"

Hanna smiled at her friend's nervousness, and raised an eyebrow at all the stuttering.

"I just meant, that I think you're beautiful Hanna. You've always been beautiful, and it drove me crazy that I didn't say that when Ali was teasing you. I should've said something, I should've stopped her-" Spencer forced her gaze away from Hanna, studying the popcorn bowl in her hands like they held the secret to the meaning of life.

"Thank you." Hanna interrupted her, laughing. "And for the record, I think you're beautiful too Spence, granted I think you're beautiful when you're whole. I can't speak for when you've gone and got yourself broken." She said sternly before scooting closer to her friend, turning so she could snuggle into her and rest her head on Spencer's shoulder. "No one stood up to Ali. If they did, they didn't last long." She added with a chuckle, nudging Spencer's arm to move so she could get in closer.

Spencer draped her left arm over Hanna's body, and willed a blush not to heat her cheeks like it so desperately wanted to. "Still-" She started to protest, but Hanna threw a popcorn piece at her, granted it was at an odd angle, her aim was still fair.

"No buts. Ali wasn't someone anyone messed with. And out of the two of us, I'm not the one that's still suffering her aftereffects." Hanna reveled in the warmth that was radiating off of Spencer. No matter the situation, just the presence of the girl calmed her, it was like magic. _God I love being with her._ Wait, love?

Hanna pushed down her inner conversation with herself, deeming it appropriate for another time, and found something else to think about. "Hey Spence? A's text was a little confusing, that's why I thought someone else was hurting you. She said you had a 'new best friend only they didn't do much but hurt'. What does that mean?" Hanna wondered, popping a piece of popcorn in her mouth.

Spencer stiffened, and Hanna almost regretted asking. "What?" She asked, had Spencer lied to her? _Was_ there someone hurting her?

"A's referring to my, uhm, to what I use." She sighed out. Goodness, why were all the _real_ words so hard?

"Oh," Hanna whispered, relaxing back into Spencer's body, and once again, it never ceased to calm her. "Okay. But, you have to try Spence." She whispered softly into the space in front of her.

"You need to come to me if you feel like hurting okay?" Hanna continued, shifting so she could look at Spencer properly. "Anytime, alright? Don't be afraid to call me, Lord knows I don't mind missing class. I just, I really don't want you hurting again alright?" Hanna was pretty proud of herself, her voice had been threatening to give out all through her speech to Spencer, and she was very glad about the fact that it didn't until the very last word. _That's sort of an accomplishment, right?_

"I know," Spencer said, _Don't cry, don't cry. There's no reason to cry._ "I'll try, for you Han. I'll try for you." She breathed, eyes shutting lightly as she let herself sink into the couch cushions.

_Today has been exhausting. _Spencer sighed, _I can't wait to just go to bed, and wake up to the weekend._

* * *

**Hey! Sorry for the long wait... (This has been finished for like, 4 days now, just been sitting in my documents collecting dust and hatred...) **

**But! I will make the next chapter extra long I promise! Please please please review. I cannot stress enough how reviews make me work harder, and how ones that have more than 3 words make me literally smile and think about how to make the next chapter better. I hope you guys like it, and that I'm representing realistically how the characters would react to a situation like this. (I've only actually seen the first half of season one, so if I'm getting any plot details wrong, please let me know!)**

**Please review! And don't be afraid to PM me if there's anything you want to say or ask without it being publically viewed. I love those too.**


	4. The Multiple Near-Heart Attacks

**Disclaimer: Yadayada I don't own the characters, and I don't own any candy, though I desperately wish I had some... *coughcoughyoucouldshowmeyourappretiationforupdati ngbysendingmecandycoughcough* *coughalsocoldmedicine...cough* **

**Warning! (Aren't these always fun?) This may be triggering to some readers as it contains mentions of self-harm and thoughts relating to it. (Isn't that a little obvious by this point?) If you find yourself getting triggered by this, I sincerely apologise and urge you to stop reading, and feel free to message me if you need help with anything. (ON WITH THE STORY THAT I MADE YOU GUYS WAIT FOREVER FOR)**

* * *

It was bright. Way too bright. _Way too freakin' bright._

Hanna groaned and stuffed her face further into the plush pillow under her head. Why was it so_ bright?_ She straightened her arms out, the cool silky feel of the bedsheets bringing her awake slowly.

She stretched her arms out, and revelled in the delicious feeling of her muscles working again. It was morning. She realized, peaking an eye open cautiously. Okay, so it wasn't _that_ bright...

She reasoned, mind jolting awake as she realized something else. This wasn't her bed. And then a second later; this is Spencer's bed. But where was Spencer?

Hanna sat up straight, mind reeling. She'd slept over at Spencer's, after a movie, because they'd come here after school. No, _before_ the end of school. Because... _Shit, where's Spence?_

Hanna was starting to panic, the door to the hall was closed, as was the door to the bathroom that connected to Spencer's room. Spencer wouldn't... Would she?

Hanna rushed to get out of bed, legs getting caught in the sheets which forced her to the ground in an ungraceful ball of limbs and purple sheets. There was a pain filled yelp from behind the closed door of the bathroom, and Hanna scrambled to her feet and whipped the door open without a second thought.

Spencer froze, one foot resting on a stool underneath the counter, body craned so her upper thigh was concealed, as were both her hands which must also be on her upper thigh, various medical supplies sat on the counter in front of her, foremost among them was a roll of gauze. She had the worst expression of shock and horror, and that more than anything scared Hanna immensely.

"I- I-" Spencer stammered out, mind reeling. That thump must have been Hanna. "It's not what you think." She blurted, hoping desperately the cheesy line wouldn't sound so utterly fake to Hanna as it had to her once she'd said it.

Hanna cocked an eyebrow, daring Spencer to explain.

"I wasn't-" she started, eyes darting down to where her hands were. "I was just cleaning them. The old ones." She clarified, looking at Hanna with what she hoped was an honest expression. Did Hanna really think she'd do it with her sleeping in the next room?

**You are so not allowed to be offended. In case you've forgotten, you _have_ done it with her asleep in the other room.**

_Yeah, but she didn't know then._

Hanna looked skeptical, but with a considering smile she nodded and turned away from the door. "Do you, uh, need any help?" She asked once she'd stepped further into the bedroom, eyes closed. _Please oh please be telling the truth Spence._

"No, I don't think I'm ready for you to, see anything." Spencer answered quietly, reaching to close the door again.

Hanna heard the creek of the door hinge, and spoke before she could help herself. "No! Don't, don't close it." She whispered, back still turned. "I'd feel better if you left it open."

Spencer gave a small nod, regardless of the fact that Hanna couldn't see her. "Okay." She whispered.

Hanna busied herself with changing out of the clothes Spencer had lent her to sleep in, pulling off the tank top and sliding the track pants down and off, giving a shiver at both the cold and the thought of what could have just happened if Spencer _had_ been doing, _that_ to herself.

"I'm done." Spencer called softly from the bathroom, and Hanna heard some thuds and clinks, what she assumed was Spencer putting away whatever she'd used to clean herself.

Hanna grabbed her phone off the dresser just as it vibrated obnoxiously. Aria again. She figured, last she checked before going to sleep last night there were 2 texts from the short artsy girl, and one from a worried Emily.

**Where are you? Did something happen? Why'd you and Spencer leave yesterday? ~Aria**

Hanna sighed before typing out a quick reply. **'Don't get your panties in a knot, we'll explain later. Pizza at yours?'**

For some reason, Hanna always felt the need to appear food obsessed. Maybe as a defence so no one would figure out about her bad habit, maybe just because secretly she really loved food, and maybe in a different world she could've been a chef.

"Well it'd really have to be a different world because you burn _everything_." Spencer's voice teased from somewhere behind where the blonde stood.

Hanna resisted a smile and turned to Spencer with a serious expression and raised eyebrow. "Eves dropper." She snapped, "what are you, psychic?"

Spencer burst out in a laugh and rolled her eyes. "You were talking aloud Han. What was I supposed to do? Cover my ears and sing?"

Hanna sniffed arrogantly and held her head high. "It would've been nice." She stated.

Spencer bit at her lip and fell silent looking up at Hanna nervously. "So, what do we do now?" She asked.

There was no real need to clarify what she meant, Hanna knew. What do they do about Aria and Emily? What do they do about Hanna knowing Spencer's longest, deepest secret? What do they do about A knowing?

Hanna looked at Spencer softly, almost as if she were afraid her words would break her. "I don't know." She said simply. "But whatever we do, we'll do it together."

Spencer smiled at Hanna. How did she get so lucky to have a friend like her?

* * *

Aria looked at them with scrutinizingly narrowed eyes. "If it was something to do with A, wouldn't that make it important for _us_ to know too?" She questioned, gesturing to her and Emily, who sat on Aria's bed with a worried expression.

Hanna raised an eyebrow at the short girl. "If it concerned you, I'm sure A would have sent you a message as well." She countered, just as stubborn if not more than the dark haired girl. "It's my problem, and my text that took Spencer out of school, and she doesn't even really know why." Hanna continued, arms crossed with one hip cocked to the side. "It's _my_ business, and if I wanted you to know, I'd tell you."

Aria gave an indignant 'hmph' and sat back down beside Emily, who looked pretty unhappy by the two of them arguing. "It's not like we don't all have secrets Ar." She said softly to the now grumpy girl.

"Yeah, but no one said it was a good idea to keep them." She mumbled, clearly still put out that Hanna was keeping something from them.

Spencer spoke up from where she'd quietly been sitting off to the side, when she and Hanna had shown up at Aria's house to hang out with Emily and Aria, and to explain why they'd been absent all evening she'd just frozen up; suddenly doubting their lie, and completely afraid that their friends would see through it, thankfully Hanna had stepped in and taken all the questions and to a lesser extent, blame. "I'm sure Hanna wouldn't keep it to herself if she thought it would effect you- us." She caught herself, silently praying none had noticed.

"I guess." Aria conceded, loosening her tightly crossed arms. She looked up at Hanna with concerned eyes. "And you'd tell us if it was bad right? Like, you aren't in trouble or anything?" She clarified.

Aria was the type that would think of the group first, and then assure herself that none individually were in trouble. She was a great leader, and a good friend, and Hanna was touched by her concern, and only slightly tempted to come clean about Spencer. But she didn't, because it wasn't her secret to tell, and she knew it would harm more than help to get the others involved.

"Of course not Aria." She assured a small smile on her face.

Emily took a breath and let a smile break through, "Good, so, movie?" She questioned, looking at Hanna to see what she wanted to do, she was, after all, the victim of all this.

Hanna discretely saw Spencer nod from the other side of Emily, and in turn nodded to Emily.

_We are definitely good together._ Hanna thought with a smile. _Wait, no. No we aren't. Bad Hanna..._ She chided.

They all made their way down to Aria's living room, and each settled in to their usual spots, Aria and Emily on the floor in front of the love seat, and Spencer and Hanna on it. Sometimes they'd switch it around, but for the most part Emily and Aria knew it was best to just let the two fiery friends get away with constantly kicking them off the couch; neither girl was one to be messed with.

The movie was chosen, "A Walk to Remember" as requested by Aria, and Hanna got herself ready for another hour or two of happy sadness. It was a cruel torture really.

A little ways into the movie Hanna noticed how Spencer wasn't really paying it much attention. She was biting at her lip and looking repeatedly at the stairs, it puzzled the blonde for a time before she noticed how Spencer's hands were running up and down her her legs anxiously, occasionally lingering on her upper thigh only to dig her fingers into the flesh and bite her lip harder.

A sad expression took hold of Hanna features and she tried her best not to make a noise. She merely rested her hand silently on Spencer's restless fingers, and watching as Spencer went rigid and looked up at her, eyes pleading.

Hanna took a breath and shook her head. _Why does it have to be Spencer? Why can't I take this from her? Go through this for her?_

Spencer looked back at the movie, a realization dawning on her. _Hanna was going to make sure she didn't do it. Is that a good thing, **or a bad thing?**_

Spencer's fingers scratched at her thigh nervously, her hand moving beneath Hanna's tender one subconsciously. Hanna resisted a frown at this. Spencer must really want to hurt herself right now.

In a desperate attempt to make Spencer stop hurting, Hanna threaded her fingers through Spencer's, holding hands with the girl she always wanted to.

_No! I didn't, I've never. Why would- Stop thinking Hanna, you're no good at it._

Spencer's eyes widened when she felt Hanna's hand in hers, but didn't pull away or stop her. _Hanna's really sweet..._ She thought, a small smile crossing her lips.

For a moment Spencer forgot about wanting that adrenaline rush, that invincible feeling that chased away the haze and let her let go of the need to be perfect, and it made her smile widen when she realized it was because of Hanna.

But Spencer was only human, and so couldn't fool gravity, what ever went up, had to come down. Her smile fell and she closed her eyes right when the voice returned.

**Hanna really is a good friend isn't she? Taking the blame for you... Keeping your dirty little secret... I bet she doesn't even want to be holding your hand right now, she's only doing it because she's a good person. And what do you give her in return? Tears, bad memories, and a burdensome friendship.**

_N-No. Hanna's a good friend, **my** good friend. I-if she didn't want to help me, she wouldn't have..._

**Oh little naive Spencer... I thought Hastings were supposed to be smart? Look at her, see how upset she is? How _concerned_ she looks? You're making her life harder because you let yourself get caught.**

"Spencer." Hanna hissed at her, leaning closer so Aria and Emily wouldn't hear.

Spencer blinked out of her daze and looking down to where Hanna was looking somewhat frantically; absentmindedly Spencer had begun to scratch at her leg again, only she hadn't let go of Hanna's hand, so in turn it was Hanna's fingers causing her pain.

Her eyes widened and she let go of Hanna's hand faster than Hanna downed a pack of Smarties. "I-" she stammered out, eyes looking at Hanna in horror, how could she have done that? "I'm sorry." She blurted out loud enough to make Aria and Emily turn to look at them in confusion.

Before anyone could respond Spencer jumped up and took off for the stairs, taking them two at a time to get away faster.

Hanna looked dazed, and concerned, with a confused Aria and Emily staring at her for answers. "What was that about?" Aria asked with her brows angled down in confusion.

Emily looked towards the stairs where Spencer had made her hasty exit as though the girl would return a moment later with a smile and a "gotcha!".

"I- well, she- I mean..." Hanna stuttered out, eyes focused intently on her lap where her fingers were fidgeting._ I don't think I can forget how it felt... What, holding her hand? Or your fingers digging into her already abused flesh?_ Hanna shivered and looked up at Aria with what she hoped was a sincere expression of amusement and pity. "Have you seen this movie?" She asked sardonically. "It could make a statue cry."

Aria rolled her eyes and nodded, "Do you think one of us should go talk to her?" She asked, after all Hanna was the one sitting beside her, she would know whether this was a level 'leave her alone for a bit', or a full blown, 'ice cream and cookies in pyjamas'.

"I'll go." Hanna hopped up from her seat and swiftly made her way to the stairs.

Aria moved up to take Hanna's spot on the couch and beckoned Emily up to sit beside her. "Least we've got the couch now!" She smiled.

Emily only nodded, narrowed eyes trained on the stairs suspiciously; something told her Hanna and Spencer weren't telling them everything.

"Spencer?" Hanna called out nervously, voice weak. She rapped her knuckles on the bathroom's door, the hollow sound it made caused her to bite her lip. Spencer _was _in here, wasn't she?

Hanna tried the handle but discovered it was locked, and at a small grunt and clatter of items from behind the locked door Hanna grew worried. Would Spencer hurt herself here? Hanna didn't even know what she used... Or where she kept it, what if she had it with her?

"Spencer...?" Her voice was more urgent, and after a moment the lock clicked.

With a deep breath Hanna slipped into the bathroom, and gazed at Spencer with a look of confusion, and after a moment _fear_.

* * *

**Hahaha, I bet you all hate me now... I mean, not only did I make you wait a ridiculous amount of time, I gave you a crappy chapter with a crappy cliff hanger... (For the record, a ton of, unfortunate events are happening in my life and so finishing this chapter, and then uploading it and editing it and all that, it isn't exactly easy.) Now, I don't want pity, and I don't want flames, but I would reeeeaaaaaallllyyyyyy like some reviews, because I've only got a general idea as to where this is headed. Also, if you've got any ideas, or things you want me to work in, I take everything into account.**


End file.
